Hidden Chains: How Unconscious Beliefs Can Lead to Depression and Relationship Patterns
For as long as I can remember, I struggled with depression and anxiety. I am in my mid 40s now, but I remember being 6 years old sitting indian style on the floor watching Tom & Jerry wondering why I had so much pain in my chest. Not just occasional sadness or worry, but a deep, unshakable sense of unease that followed me through every stage of my life. No matter how much I achieved, no matter how much love or success I had later in life, I always felt like something wasn’t right.
Looking back, it’s not hard to see why. I grew up with a poor, mentally ill, single mom who worked two jobs just to keep food on the table. My dad was abusive before he abandoned us for his drug addiction, and my home life was filled with instability and neglect. I had to grow up fast, and by the time I was a teenager, I had a baby of my own.
Most people would have looked at my circumstances and assumed I was destined for a life of struggle. But I was determined to prove them wrong. I worked my way up, fought for every opportunity, and against all odds, I became a successful in my real estate career at the time. I made more money than I ever thought possible when I was young. I bought my dream home. I was in love with my husband. By every standard of success, I should have been happy.
But I wasn’t.
Despite having everything I had ever wanted, I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and emptiness. I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t enjoy the happiness I had worked so hard for. It was as if something inside me wouldn’t allow me to feel safe—as if I was waiting for it all to be taken away.
I didn’t understand it at the time, but now I know what was happening: My unconscious childhood beliefs were running my life! Those feelings being created by my unconscious then created thought stories to justify the feelings, and unfortunate circumstances followed.
The Hidden Pattern I Couldn’t Escape
As much as I wanted to be happy, my nervous system was programmed for struggle and survival. Growing up in chaos and instability, I had internalized messages like:
“Happiness isn’t safe.”
“Love always leads to pain.”
“I have to struggle to survive.”
“If something feels too good, it will be taken away.”
“I will be abandoned by those I love”
“I need to leave before others leave me.”
These beliefs had been running in the background of my mind like a hidden script, shaping how I felt, how I made decisions, and even how I saw myself—without me even realizing it.
Because of those unconscious beliefs, I sabotaged my own happiness to align my life with my unconscious beliefs.
I left my husband two times, even though I was in love with him.
I sold my dream home, even though it was everything I had ever wanted in a home.
I kept going back to what felt familiar—because, to my unconscious mind, struggle and instability felt safer than success and happiness. I believed safety was in big change.
I didn’t understand why I was making these choices. I only knew that something inside me felt wrong, and I couldn’t escape it.
That’s when I became a counselor—not just to help others, though that was a big motivation, but because I was desperate to understand myself.
How I Discovered the Truth About My Mind and Life
As I studied psychology, trauma, and human behavior, I started to see the truth in my own life: Our unconscious childhood beliefs shape every part of our lives by creating feelings we strive to make sense of.
I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t incapable of happiness.
I was just living out an emotional blueprint that had been created in my childhood—one that told me safety came from struggle, pain, large changes, and instability.
And even though I had “escaped” my childhood circumstances on the outside, my mind and nervous system were still trapped in them.
Once I saw the pattern, I knew I had to change it. But how?
That’s when I found EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique).
Rewiring My Mind with Tapping
At first, I was skeptical. Could something as simple as tapping on certain points of my body really change the emotional pain I had been carrying for decades?
But I was willing to try anything.
As I started using tapping consistently, I saw a transformation I never thought was possible:
The constant anxiety that had followed me for years started to fade.
I finally felt safe in my own skin, without waiting for something bad to happen.
I no longer sabotaged my happiness, because I rewired the belief that happiness wasn’t safe.
For the first time in my life, I was in control of my emotions, instead of my emotions controlling me.
How You Can Rewire Your Own Beliefs
If you’ve ever felt stuck in depression, self-doubt, or toxic relationship cycles, it’s not your fault.
Your unconscious mind has been running a program that you didn’t even know was there.
The good news? You can change it.
Here’s how you can start rewriting your hidden beliefs:
✅ Step 1: Identify the Root Beliefs
Pay attention to the emotions that don’t make sense (like sadness during happy moments).
Ask yourself: What does this remind me of from my past?
Journal about patterns in your relationships, career, and self-worth—what do they have in common?
✅ Step 2: Challenge the Old Story
Once you recognize a limiting belief (e.g., “I’m not enough”), ask yourself:
Where did I learn this?
Is this belief actually true?
What if the opposite were true?
✅ Step 3: Rewire Your Mind with Tapping
Use EFT Tapping to clear old emotional patterns and install new beliefs.
Start with a simple setup statement:
“Even though I feel unworthy of love, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Tap through the points while repeating the emotions you want to release.
Follow up with a positive belief:
“I am safe to be loved. I am worthy of happiness.”
✅ Step 4: Practice Self-Compassion and Mindfulness
Be gentle with yourself as you uncover old wounds.
Use daily affirmations to reinforce new beliefs.
Surround yourself with supportive, growth-minded people.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Your Past
For years, I thought I was just “broken.” That depression was just part of who I was. That my relationships would always fail.
But the truth is, I was living under unconscious chains that I didn’t know existed.
Now that I’ve broken free, I can see that happiness, love, and fulfillment were never out of reach. They were just blocked by old beliefs that weren’t even mine to begin with.
And if I can change them, so can you.
You are not your past.
You are not your old beliefs.
You are free to create a new story.
