The Unconscious Mind: How the First Seven Years Shape Your Life

As a counselor and unconscious beliefs coach, I’ve spent years helping people uncover the hidden programming that controls their behaviors, emotions, and decision-making. But this work is deeply personal for me. I didn’t just study unconscious beliefs—I lived them.

Growing up, my first seven years were shaped by the chaos of living with a drug-addicted, abusive father. His unpredictable behavior, anger, and addiction created a world where I had to be hyper-aware of my surroundings at all times. I learned early on that love could be conditional, that safety was never guaranteed, and that I had to suppress my needs to survive. These experiences didn’t just fade as I got older. They became the unconscious blueprint for how I viewed myself, relationships, and the world.

Without realizing it, I carried these unconscious beliefs into adulthood, making large, painful decisions that were not only isolating for me but also difficult for my family. I had an overwhelming need to run away—from relationships, jobs, and even locations. I changed careers, ended marriages, and moved eight times, always believing that the next place or person would finally bring me peace. But no matter where I went or who I was with, the same feelings of restlessness, unease, and the need to escape followed me.

Then, by the time I was 25 years old, my body broke down. I developed interstitial cystitis, a painful chronic illness that doctors couldn’t find a clear cause for. What I didn’t realize at the time was that my nervous system had been in survival mode for so long that it finally collapsed under the weight of stress. The unconscious patterns I had been living by weren’t just affecting my mind—they were destroying my physical health.

I spent years searching for a cure, going from doctor to doctor, trying every conventional treatment available. But the real breakthrough came when I turned to alternative treatments that addressed not just my physical symptoms but the deep-rooted emotional and psychological trauma that had been stored in my body. The healing journey was not just about my illness—it was about rewiring my unconscious mind and finally breaking free from the stress that had controlled my life for so long.

The Science Behind the First Seven Years

Research in neuroscience and psychology shows that the unconscious mind is largely programmed in early childhood due to the way the brain develops.

1. Brainwave States and Absorption

Between birth and age seven, children primarily operate in delta (0-4 Hz) and theta (4-8 Hz) brainwave states—which are associated with deep hypnosis and imagination. This means children absorb everything around them without question. They don’t just listen to what their parents say; they internalize their parents' emotions, behaviors, and beliefs as absolute truth.

For me, growing up in an abusive home meant that I absorbed fear, instability, and the belief that love and pain were intertwined. My nervous system became wired to expect chaos, even when it wasn’t there. This deep-seated stress response didn’t just affect my emotions—it manifested physically. By the time I was 25, my chronic illness turned out to be more than just pain; my central nervous system had become hypersensitive, reacting negatively to almost everything around me. I developed hundreds of allergies, where my body perceived even harmless substances as threats. I was allergic to cotton, most foods—including many vegetables—and even my environment. My immune system was in a constant state of overreaction, mirroring the emotional hypervigilance I had learned in childhood. It wasn’t until I began addressing the unconscious emotional trauma behind my illness that I was finally able to heal, both physically and psychologically.

2. Social and Emotional Conditioning

Early experiences set the foundation for self-worth, emotional regulation, and how we relate to others. Parental influence is one of the strongest factors, but cultural norms, societal expectations, and repeated experiences also shape the subconscious mind.

• If love was inconsistent, you may struggle with abandonment fears.

• If emotions were dismissed or punished, you may suppress your feelings as an adult.

• If safety was unpredictable, you may have trouble trusting people or situations.

These early lessons stay with us until we actively work to reprogram them.

How Early Programming Shapes Major Life Decisions

My unconscious programming led me to make drastic life changes without truly understanding why. Every time I felt trapped or overwhelmed, I ran. It played out in:

• My relationships. I made huge shifts in every marriage and divorce, convinced that leaving would finally bring relief.

• My career. I changed jobs frequently, thinking the next one would finally be “right.”

• My living situations. I moved eight times, never realizing I was repeating the same emotional cycle in different locations.

• My health. The years of emotional stress took a toll on my body, leading to chronic pain and illness.

But no matter how many times I ran, the feeling never left me. The problem wasn’t my job, my partners, or my location—it was the unconscious belief that I could only feel safe by escaping.

Rewiring the Unconscious Mind

The good news? The brain has neuroplasticity, meaning it can rewire itself at any age. While the first seven years lay the foundation, we are not prisoners of our past. Here’s how I (and my clients) have worked to reprogram unconscious beliefs:

1. Identifying the Core Beliefs

The first step is bringing unconscious programming to light. Ask yourself:

• What beliefs about love, success, and self-worth did I absorb from my early environment?

• What recurring patterns do I see in my life that might be rooted in childhood?

For me, realizing that I associated love with chaos was a huge turning point.

2. Inner Child Healing

Reconnecting with your younger self—especially during traumatic memories—helps release old emotional wounds. Journaling, guided meditations, and therapy can all support this process.

3. Repetition and Reprogramming

Since the unconscious mind learns through repetition, daily affirmations, visualizations, and hypnosis techniques can help replace limiting beliefs with new ones.

4. Nervous System Regulation

Because childhood trauma wires the nervous system for survival, practices like breathwork, meditation, and somatic therapy help create a sense of safety in the body.

The first seven years of life shape us in ways we don’t always recognize—but we are not doomed to repeat unconscious patterns forever. Understanding how early programming works gives us the power to rewrite our own story.