How Childhood Events Create Negative Beliefs That Run Our Lives — And How We Heal Them
As a counselor and unconscious beliefs coach, one of the most profound truths I witness is this: the beliefs driving our adult lives are often survival strategies we created as children — in moments we didn’t feel safe, loved, or seen.
What we experienced in childhood — like parental infidelity, divorce, emotional neglect, bullying, or even subtle criticism — planted deep unconscious beliefs that still shape our relationships, self-worth, and decision-making.
The result? As adults, we silently operate from beliefs like:
“I’m not good enough”
“Love is unsafe”
“I will be abandoned”
“I need to be perfect to be accepted”
And here’s the thing — we’re not even aware of it. These beliefs don’t live in the conscious mind. They’re stored in the body, nervous system, and subconscious, running the show until we decide to look inward.
How Childhood Experiences Plant These Beliefs
Children are naturally egocentric — they believe everything happens because of them. So when a parent cheats, leaves, or emotionally withdraws, the child internalizes it as:
“I’m unlovable”
“I don’t matter”
“I have to work hard to earn love”
For example:
Divorce or infidelity = “Love always ends” or “I can’t trust anyone”
Bullying or exclusion = “I don’t belong”
Emotional neglect = “My feelings aren’t important”
Without intervention, these beliefs become unconscious "rules" we live by — creating repeated patterns in love, work, and self-worth.
These Beliefs Live in the Body — But They Can Be Rewritten
The empowering truth? These beliefs aren’t fixed. They are survival programs — and with the right therapeutic tools, they can be healed and reprogrammed.
Because these beliefs are somatic and emotional — not just intellectual — talk therapy often only scratches the surface. True transformation happens when we work directly with the body, the subconscious mind, and our attachment system.
Healing Approaches That Rewire Negative Core Beliefs
🌿 Somatic Therapy
The body remembers what the mind forgets. Somatic therapy helps clients locate where trauma and limiting beliefs are stored — tight chest, heavy heart, clenched jaw — and release it through body-based practices that calm the nervous system.
🌿 Trauma Therapy Tools like EMDR
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps the brain reprocess traumatic memories that once locked in painful beliefs. It allows clients to release the emotional charge and see the event — and themselves — through a new, empowered lens.
🌿 EFT Tapping
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) combines gentle tapping on acupressure points with verbal processing. It helps calm the fight-or-flight response while shifting beliefs like “I’m not safe” or “I’m not worthy.”
🌿 Attachment Therapy
Many of these core beliefs stem from ruptured or insecure attachments. Attachment-focused therapy helps clients understand how early bonding patterns shaped their adult relationships — and, most importantly, how to create secure attachment within themselves and with others.
🌿 Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy
IFS helps clients connect with the younger "parts" of themselves that still carry these old wounds and beliefs. Instead of trying to silence or fix these parts, IFS teaches us to listen to them with compassion — healing the internal system from the inside out.
IFS reveals that it’s not you who believes you’re unworthy — it’s a part of you still stuck in that old story. And that part can heal.
Rewriting the Story: You Are Not Broken — You’re Programmed for Survival
In my work, I guide clients through a process of: ✅ Identifying the core belief and its root event
✅ Feeling, processing, and releasing it from the body
✅ Reprogramming the nervous system for safety and trust
✅ Cultivating secure attachment — internally and externally
✅ Listening to and healing the wounded inner parts through IFS
The goal isn’t to erase the past — it’s to reclaim your power and live from the present, not your childhood survival strategies.
Final Thoughts
The unconscious mind and body drive 95% of our daily decisions. If we don’t work at that level, we’re only addressing the surface.
When we blend cognitive insight with somatic, attachment-based, trauma-informed, and parts work, we help clients break free from lifelong patterns — not just understand them.
Because the truth is:
The past shaped us, but it doesn’t have to run us anymore.
